


forgiveness

by blifuys



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blifuys/pseuds/blifuys
Summary: Dimitri wakes Claude up at three in the morning by accident. Claude knows something is wrong.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 175





	forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> lately, I've been having a really hard time constructing my self-worth. I tend to judge my writing as horrendous, shitty even, and I still do. its a lotta self love i have to learn to give myself. 
> 
> and I hope you guys will forgive yourself too.
> 
> this fic can come off as a bit ventish, possibly. but thank you for reading it still. I adore dimiclaude to the pits of my heart, and these two help me to explore a lot of hidden feelings I have buried in my heart.
> 
> [click here to listen to this mini fic's playlist! ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1IGWmdBQGURGJ4gjWX516H?si=tREWlK_sQBKSj2n6NcTCCA)

"Where are you going?"

Claude whispers into the night, having been woken up by the sudden jolt of the bed. He shouldn't be up this late - a quick glance at the glowing red digits on Dimitri's end of the bed tells him it's  _ three in the morning _ . 

It's not usual for either of them to be up at this timing. The both of them have classes first thing in the morning on most days, so on the nights where they visit each other, they make sure to turn in early to avoid morning panic. 

But tonight, something's off.

"Don't worry about it," Dimitri mutters, in a way that tells Claude that he's actively avoiding the topic, "Go back to sleep, Claude."

_ Claude _ . It's not every day Dimitri calls him that. It's always some variation of  _ beloved _ , to hear his name slip past his lips and float into the air-- 

Something's definitely off.

"Mitya," He's a little bit more awake now, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. It's impossible for him to go to bed  _ now _ , and he's certainly not going to anytime soon, "Mitya, talk to me."

His hand reaches out from under the sheets, pushing the thick blanket off his shoulder as his fingers swim through the air, grasping through the dark as they look for Dimitri - to find his hand and hold on tight. It takes a while for him to fumble around Dimitri's sitting frame, and when he finds his hands, he notices two things. 

Dimitri's hands are tightly clasped together on his lap, and Claude can basically  _ feel _ how white-knuckled they are. He also finds that - with his arms wrapped around Dimitri now, his own chest pressed against a larger, more muscly back - his breathing is erratic. Like he's been crying, shuddering breaths painful as he tries to gasp for air in the quietest way possible.

"Dimitri…?"

"Go back to sleep, Claude.  _ Please. _ "

"No. I won't."

Claude isn't a stranger to trying times like these. Long has he been acquainted with a tear-soaked pillow, of the growing void in his heart tearing open and swallowing him whole. The sheer  _ loneliness _ of despair, of isolation, of the silent shadows that bear witness to his misery without judgment. 

But he will  _ not _ allow someone else to go through it alone. 

Dimitri shivers in arms, hunched and curled over, trying to stop himself from trembling. The sobs get too difficult for Dimitri to silence now, and Claude can hear his torso heave as he coughs out his feelings, the heavy thrum of a cry rumbling through Dimitri's ribcage and onto Claude's skin. 

It hurts to see him like this, hurts to see Dimitri ache and hurt from his demons. 

"I'm--I'm sorr--" He shudders, and the fact that his boyfriend even  _ thought _ that he had done something wrong left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Hey.  _ No.  _ Don't," Claude mutters, low timbre hopefully washing over Dimitri like a gentle wave, "You haven't done anything that warrants an apology from you."

" _ I have, _ " Dimitri cries, his hands clasping over Claude's so tightly, like there's even the  _ slightest _ chance of the shorter man leaving his side, "There is so much I have done wrong. You deserve someone who you don't have to change, someone who can make you  _ happy--"  _

"And who's to say _you_ _don't_ , Dimitri?"

Dimitri shakes his head, keeping himself curled over. Claude thinks he feels the backs of his hands getting a little wet as the hot tears spill over, droplets splashing onto his skin. He grips his hands tighter, until he thinks he might be hurting Dimitri - but the shout of pain never comes. A sob - a sound so fragile and  _ vulnerable - _ comes as his response, but the love in Claude's chest only grows stronger. 

"Dimitri-- _ Mitya, _ " Claude moves himself onto his knees, fully freed from their sheets now as he curls around Dimitri, pulling him into a tight embrace while he tucks his face against the side of his blonde head, "You make me so,  _ so _ happy. I wouldn't change you for anything, for the world."

"You could have anyone, Claude, anyone in the world that wouldn't wake you up in the middle of the night. They wouldn't make a mess of your life like I do. I only hurt everyone, I'm too much."

"Hey, no. That's my boyfriend you're talking about, mister. I don't appreciate slander."

The shivers slowly smoothe out into a calm lull, and Dimitri's left silent. The room doesn't seem too tight anymore, too much like a prison. Tonight, he hears the rush of late night cars rushing on the road below them as the world goes on without them, the both of them left behind from civilisation as they stay in their personal bubble.

Claude's stroking lines into the back of his boyfriend's hand now, thumb dragging over the bumps of scarred knuckles. It's always nice to hold Dimitri like this, since Claude always on the receiving end. It's akin to cuddling a teddy bear, and the way Dimitri rests against Claude's chest makes him feel like everything's alright with the world once more.

"Someone could make you so happy, Claude. Happier than I could ever make you." 

"You don't give yourself enough credit, my darling star."

"Beloved…"

Claude gently eases the blonde man's head into his lap, gazing down at his tear-soaked gaze with the warmest look he can muster. It's dark, but he can faintly make out the outline of Dimitri's beautiful sapphire gaze. The eyes that remind him of the sky, of the endless possibilities within, and of love. 

His fingers drag down the sides of Dimitri's face, and the weight of his head in his hands is so  _ familiar _ . Comforting. 

"And what  _ if _ you did make me upset, Dima? Leaving wouldn't make me happy. It'll hurt me, and tear me apart. Did you ever think of how badly it'll hurt me if you weren't around one day?"

"I--"

"I know you don't. You think that you leaving would solve everyone's problems, but I'm telling you now--without you, there would be a hole in my heart that no one else could fill."

Dimitri's face twists - like he might cry again. The tears do not come, but his larger, scarred hands come to meet his, pressing down his slender fingers into the soft skin of his cheeks. It's so  _ vulnerable _ like this, the both of them pouring their hearts out to each other - but Claude's learnt long ago that this is a symptom of love. 

There is no place for secrets between them both. This man's unearth every piece of Claude long ago, and embraced each and every single bit - broken or whole - with his entire heart. 

Dimitri leaving wouldn't just crush him, it'll  _ ruin _ him. Claude knows that well enough. 

"I won't leave then," He whispers into Claude's palm, loud enough for him to hear, but low enough to keep this promise to himself, hiding away from all those that try to take this from them, "I won't ever leave you, Claude."

"And I would never leave  _ you _ ." 

**Author's Note:**

> claude: you know I love you right 
> 
> dimitri: of course I do. 
> 
> claude: good.
> 
> [scream about dimiclaude or other fe3h stuff with me here!](https://twitter.com/nekohmy?s=09)


End file.
